


In Which Karkat likes the cute Chemistry Teacher

by hpd_lance, Kenmai



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gamtav (Mentioned), erisol (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-13 11:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3379445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenmai/pseuds/Kenmai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas is an Art Teacher who has a very,very small crush on his fellow co-worker John Egbert, the Chemistry Teacher. Well maybe a big one ok. John constantly bothers him and nonchalantly flirts as he watches him draw, or just usually comes in to disrupt his class because why the heck not? He's John Egbert. How in the ever-loving fuck is he supposed to play it cool around his students if he acts like a blubbering school girl when John gets near him. Godamnit John.</p><p>“Karkat is having romance problems with John again guys.”<br/>Karkat flushed as everyone in the room groaned. “OH MY GOD KANAYA NO. FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT DATING. WE ARE NOT DATING. W E A R E N O T D A T I N G. I, Karkat Vantas, have no feelings for John straight as a line Egbert at all, whatsoever. Zip. Nada. Null. Void. Understand? And stop shipping me with him if he’s obviously I quote on quote “as straight as a ruler.”<br/>“But have you looked at it this way, some rulers are bendy and flexible.” Jade said waggling her eyebrows.<br/>(All the students and teachers totally ship them by the way.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All of Karkat's friends are Assholes

**Author's Note:**

> This idea is awesome and i love it. x3~
> 
> This story should have about 6 chapters. I'll try to post them daily/every other day.
> 
> (I may rename the story later)
> 
> Have a random song by the way~ uvu https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggdFX0t6gIk

You grumbled as you made your way into the teacher’s lounge; coffee cup in your hand from when you went to Starbucks about half an hour earlier and a slightly tired look on your face. You weren’t really much of a morning person per-say, but you could get through it with a nice hot cup of coffee and a walk alone to yourself. Yes, you did in fact do that this morning, but something was amiss. You know very well what it is but you refuse to admit to your friends and yourself that they are in fact right.

You took one last sip of your precious liquid gold and threw it in the trash bin as you did a quick once-over of the lounge. Several pairs of eyes greeted you as you quickly recognized everyone, the majority of them saying hi or waving. You rolled your eyes and mumbled a small good morning to everyone making your way over to one of your best friends here at this job; Kanaya Maryam, the cosmetology teacher.

You had known her since high school and you had been through a lot together. She knows just about everything there is to know about some glorified asshole like you, but you were grateful to have someone like her in your life. You gave her a small smile as you sat down next to her and her girlfriend Rose. Rose was the school counselor and part-time Literature and English substitute. Rose Lalonde is one of the smartest females you had ever met next to Kanaya of course.

 She had given your outfit a quick once-over and nodded her approval, although she would have been a lot happier if you wore my professional clothes to work. You were wearing a simple plaid sweater, Nirvana shirt underneath, a pair of black jeans and black converse sneakers. You sort of agreed with Kanaya though, maybe you should dress just a teensy bit formally one of these days; you look like one of the students instead of an actual teacher. You also gave her a nod of acknowledgement as you found solace in the comfort of the old couch.

Gamzee came up to you and told you good morning as you rolled your eyes and said whatever; even though you hugged him anyway. Why must you always contradict yourself you piece of prick shit?

You said hi to most of the other teachers as they came in and boredly sat around as the others talked. Just how long is it gonna take for homeroom to start so I can start prepping for first period? Those little shits had better practiced drawing body postures like I said or I swear to god I’m gonna murder each and every one of them.

You felt the weight shift next to you as you turned to see Kanaya watching you with a wary facial expression; eyes raised and mouth in a slight frown. “What’s wrong?” She asked worry and concern evident in her facial features and the way her voice went soft-spoken. Wait shit is Rose still there? The last time she heard from Kanaya that you had a small problem she immediately wanted to give you advice in a therapy session. You know she wants to help you and that she cares for you and vice versa, but you would never want to go through that again. You quickly looked behind her to check and see if Rose was there but she had gone to talk to her brother Dave, the music teacher. Dave was a dick but he had his nice days, so you hung out with him every now and then but other than that not much.

You took a long deep sigh. And then you took another one. You frowned as you turned to her and went to say something but you closed your mouth. You turned to her again and simply said, “He annoys me.”

Her facial features physically/substantially relaxed as she gave you a knowing smile. She turned towards the other and cleared her throat as the room quietened down. “Karkat is having romance problems with John again.”

Karkat flushed as everyone in the room groaned. “OH MY GOD KANAYA NO. FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT DATING. WE ARE NOT DATING. W E A R E N O T D A T I N G. I, Karkat Vantas, have no feelings for John straight as a line Egbert at all, whatsoever. Zip. Nada. Null. Void. Understand? And stop shipping me with him if he’s obviously I quote on quote “as straight as a ruler.”

“But have you looked at it this way, some rulers are bendy and flexible.” Jade said as she waggled her eyebrows making everyone in the room laugh or giggle.

“But listen to this Harley! The purpose of a ruler is to help draw or make straight lines yes? And the bendy rulers still have to be used straightly at some point, right? Good. Ok now why don’t you stick back to Biology like you’re supposed too.” Karkat tsked and he folded his legs and flared his nostrils. That was all instinctive though. You should see him when he’s mad; eyebrows scrunched up, teeth set into a permanent snarl, hair on edge…just everything.

Jade rolled her eyes and smiled it off used to Karkat’s behavior. She was actually quite close to him too, so she could tell his insults were just him being really flustered at the moment. It was pretty fun teasing him about her brother. Speaking of her brother, she wonders if he slept in late at his apartment…..again.

“Ohhh, gonna need some ice on those burns Jade!” Dave said as he dramatically ran to the fridge, opening the freezer and taking out an entire ice tray. He laughed as Jade punched him in the arm and shoved him away.

Just then John ran into the room, panting as he said hi to his fellow co-workers, his red sneakers clacking against the floor slightly.

He was wearing his goddamned Ghostbusters shirt again and pair of tan khaki’s was being sported on his legs.

(Karkat was well aware of this though, wide eyes watching his every move. Not that he was transfixed or anything. He just really liked watching John, even if he did annoy the shit out of him. Also he had a raging man crush for this fucknut.)

“Wow John, almost late for the job again. You had 3 minutes to spare though. Anyway, what were you even up to this morning?” Vriska tsked as she turned to John. She was comfortably sitting on one of the desks as he smiled at her.

“Oh hi Vriska! I forgot to set my alarm again. Hehe sorry…”

Huh. Jade was actually right!

“Don’t apologize to me nerd. Apologize to that bed head of yours.” John tsked as he smiled and walked towards Karkat.

Karkat shifted in his seat. Why must he turn into a fidgeting school girl in love when one small ounce of attention from John was directed at him! This isn’t fair at all for his poor miserable soul. No, maybe he actually deserved this for being a shitty excuse of existence. This is his goddamn punishment for being there. All there’s left for him to do is rot in the effervescent fiery pits of hell. “G-Good morning John.”

John pouted and leaned closer to him. “What! No hug? I’m physically hurt Karkat.”

Karkat clicked his tongue in annoyance. It was a bad habit he picked up from his dad and Kankri when he was younger, but I guess he can’t really do anything about that, huh? “Do you deserve a hug from me?”

He sat down next to Karkat and opened his arms out. “Please Karkat? If you do I won’t bother you today. Maybe.”

Karkat gave him a quick once-over before sighing. “Fine. Get over here you idiot.”

John physically brightened as he leaned over to hug Karkat, Karkat returning the gesture. His face turned red as he felt John squeeze him before letting go. He...he was 100% percent sure that John had just lingered a bit when they were separating. Or maybe it was his imagination. Yeah his imagination. He didn’t lean into the hug he swears! And John did not smell like blueberries. He just happened to have good senses ok?

He would have eventually hugged him anyway though…

Also John is an asshole. He’d bother Karkat anyway.

 With Karkat’s face still being quite red the two took a good look around the room realizing that everyone was staring at them. Karkat glared as they all smiled knowingly.

“So…What did I miss?” John asked as he raised an eyebrow at their friends’ strange behavior.

Vriska simply laughed as she grabbed her coat and called John an idiot as she left the room. In fact the bell for homeroom rang at that same moment, insinuating that they all had to leave to go to their respective classes. John got up and put on his lab coat giving a quick small and wave to Karkat, promising he’d talk to him at lunchtime before leaving the room.

“SHUT IT.” Karkat yelled as the remaining teachers smirked at him. He blushed and mumbled profanities as he slammed the door and sped-walked through the hallways full of students. He gave them small smiles as they told him hi and good morning when he passed. Yes, his students could be little shits when ready but he still loved them all. As much as kids aggravated him, he was also quite fond of them. Which is basically him contradicting himself just like everything else he does in life, but oh well?

He was just lucky that he did not have a homeroom of his own. He could just chill out in his room till it was time for class.

Unlocking the door and putting on his smock he got ready for today’s lesson trying to put John Egbert behind him.


	2. In Which John is a little shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat Vantas is an Art Teacher who has a very,very small crush on his fellow co-worker John Egbert, the Chemistry Teacher. Well maybe a big one ok. John constantly bothers him and nonchalantly flirts as he watches him draw, or just usually comes in to disrupt his class because why the heck not? He's John Egbert. How in the ever-loving fuck is he supposed to play it cool around his students if he acts like a blubbering school girl when John gets near him. Godamnit John.
> 
> “Karkat is having romance problems with John again guys.”  
> Karkat flushed as everyone in the room groaned. “OH MY GOD KANAYA NO. FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT DATING. WE ARE NOT DATING. W E A R E N O T D A T I N G. I, Karkat Vantas, have no feelings for John straight as a line Egbert at all, whatsoever. Zip. Nada. Null. Void. Understand? And stop shipping me with him if he’s obviously I quote on quote “as straight as a ruler.”  
> “But have you looked at it this way, some rulers are bendy and flexible.” Jade said waggling her eyebrows.  
> (All the students and teachers totally ship them by the way.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyy I decided to update last minute~
> 
> Decided to add one teeny bit of artwork in here. It's by me by the way eue http://that-one-shipper-named-carly.tumblr.com/

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and today is actually looking out to be a GOOD day for YOU. Surprisingly. 

Your classes up to now had decided they would actually draw shit for today and ask for help at what they were drawing instead of being unruly little shits that just ate and listened to music. One of your students named Meulin (odd name but you won’t judge, there are way too many odd names in this school like yours for example) had come just come up to sit next to you.

She was deaf in her right ear but she was still a really good student nonetheless. It was actually pretty impressive seeing as she was only 16, but she still had a long way to go in the ways of art. Sadly, the only things she ever really liked to draw were fictional characters; that you later learned were called OC’s and drawings of couples and people at the school here; which you later learned were called ships. You liked talking to her seeing as she was pretty energetic and funny. She was really smart too as you had learned one day when a student in the back named Kankri had been talking about an interesting topic that set her off.

She was so eloquent in her speeches that they had a debate in your art room. Under your watch it was one of the most amazing debates you had ever witnessed; until you had stepped in and bonked the two of them on their heads telling them to SHUT THEIR FUCKING MOUTHS of course. Geez, that Kankri boy sure couldn’t hold his tongue. It was strange that he looked a little similar to you too. Despite your students’ protests that you and him could practically be long lost brothers AND with the fact that you two had the same last names,and how both your names began with 'k' but you shrugged it off.

Anyway, back onto the subject of one of your favorite students. Meulin much liked to sit next to you every now and then to watch you draw, or just simply draw on the side of you; that is when she wasn’t talking with her boyfriend Kurloz. That kid creeped you out but you guess you respect her decisions. Today though Meulin had sat down beside you and smiled smugly at you and your sketch.

You had stopped smiling and humming Madonna to yourself as you looked at her, stopping the little sketch you had done. Wait the sketch! God fucking damn it to the writhing bits of hell in all its fiery glory. You had absentmindedly starting sketching out a picture of John and what he was wearing today.

You tsked at her as you covered it up. “It’s not what you think it is Meulin.” She had turned her head slightly so that she could hear you in her good ear.

“Sure it isn’t Karcrab. You totally don’t have fur crush on Mr. Egbert either. Don’t worry it looks pawsitevly adorable!” Oh yeah, Meulin liked cat puns. So many cat puns. All of them.

You could feel your face heating up a little as you glared and nudged her in the elbow. “Whatever.” You said as you removed you hands from over the paper. There was no point in hiding the picture if she had already seen it anyway.

She rolled her eyes and went to say something else to you regarding your but suddenly there was a knock at the door as someone strided in without permission, a s a l w a y s you might add. You kept your head down and focused on the table as you could feel the smirk radiating off of Meulin. She had silently gotten up from the table and left you to wallow in embarrassment. You were totally gonna give her an earful when you saw her again; that is in her good ear.

You had also immediately noticed that all of the students in the room had started whispering and saying greetings to the unwanted cheerful man. You were also going to give them an earful , those suave fuckers.

You felt two hands touch your shoulders as you felt someone stand behind you as if they were leaning over you.  You scrunched up your eyebrows in annoyance and went to look up at said man glaring at him. Seemingly, you noticed he had decided to leave his lab-coat in his classroom.  Nice. Wait not nice. This douche was making you flustered and getting all up your personal space. Just who does he think he is? He was leaning over you, hands on your chair as he peered at your drawing. Fuck not this again.

You quickly covered it up and glared again as he chuckled. Glaring seems to be a defense mechanism or something for you. It’s all you ever do now. There were a few giggles erupting around you including John’s soft chuckle. You swallowed. Why must his laugh sound so light and feathery to your ears? This is torture. Ok just don’t focus on that at the moment Karkat.

You inhaled and exhaled. “Joh- Mr. Egbert what is it, I’m busy at the moment.”

You heard John snort and roll his eyes at your professionalism. “Sure you are, drawing me is top priority yes? And why must you use Mr. Egbert Karkat? I thought when you first came here as the new art teacher 4 months ago we said we wouldn’t have to act so professional. Also, can’t I visit my favorite pal honcho as he works in the line of duty!?!”

“That’s Mr.Vantas to you. You can repeat all of that but I have to hear a Mr.Vantas. Or you could just leave?” He probably wouldn’t take you seriously anyway. The expression on his face just now had made you smile a little.

“Goddamnit Karkat.” John sat down in the seat next to you that Meulin had previously been sitting in. Hmm, he was smiling. You were kind of hoping that he’d just leave you alone or something. Curse his optimistic attitude!

“So, er Karkat!”  He said happily as you started a new sketch, the old one already quickly tugged into your pocket.

 “Yes John?” You turned to fully face him and noticed that he’d turned his chair too.

He blinked and went to say something but stayed silent for a moment as if he was deciding how he would word this. “Would you like to go to lunch with me later on in the week? You know at that café that opened up like two weeks ago. Or we don’t have to go there, we could just go to Starbucks or something too since it’s nearby. Hehe. Or we could just talk about things I guess? I don’t know, whatever you decide. I’m sort of dragging this out because I’m nervous and I’ve only ever had lunch with Dave, Rose and Jade all at once and-“

“Jesus fucking Christ on a stick John slow down numbnuts. Just take a moment to breathe, yes that thing we call breathing where you inhale a gas called oxygen and exhale another gas carbon dioxide into the atmosphere? Yes good. Now listen and listen well. I will only say this once. Yes I will eat lunch with you at whatever shitty café we decide to go to and talk about something shitty like your horrible taste in movies. Two, why were you so nervous to ask me that?”

In response John’s eyes had widened and you raised an eyebrow at that. “No reason really. You’re my best bro Karkat! We just haven’t really had lunch together at all before.”

You had blinked and looked at Egbert quizzically. “Excuse me? All those times I ate lunch with you and the others in the teachers’ lounge do count, you know that right Egbert?”

He rubbed his neck and gave a slightly awkward laugh. “No no I meant like. Uh, well you know…alone I guess...As bros of course!”

“Oh. Well, ok.”

John looked at his watch and gasped as he put his hands up to his face. “Oh no! Shit I gotta get back to class. Why must the science block be so far?”

“It’s your fault for coming here and visiting me instead of enjoying your free time.”

“Nah, I’d have to disagree with that Karkat. Visiting you and pestering you is fun! No just talking to you in general I guess.” Before you could let that set in her had stood up and stretched. “Here by the way. Whenever I see this now it always just kind of reminds me of you so I thought ‘Heh, I bet Karkat would think this is neat.”

You tilted your head curiously as he went through his pocket. He successfully pulled out-oh my fucking god are you serious.

“Really?!?!? A Kitkat bar. Are you fucking serious Egbert?”

He was laughing as he started to make his way out the door. “But it would be a cute name for you Karkat!”

“I swear to God…” John and his shitty pranks. Even you could do better than that.

“Goodbye _Kitkat_.” John said as he started to close the door.

You face palmed and slammed your head on the desk a little as you threw the sweet confectionary chocolate bar on the table. You could never get them to split perfectly and make that cool sound like in the commercials anyway.

You glared at the door one last time before glaring at the chocolate again. Fuck it; it’s chocolate that is your weakness. You had already started opening the wrapper.

Your students were giving huge face eating grins and you snarled flipping them all the bird. You kept eye contact with them all (Mostly Meulin) as you took a bite from the chocolate, not even bothering to do carefully split the chocolate in half like you were supposed to. You apologize to the people with OCD in advance, your embarrassment and flustered feelings could only go so high due to a certain Chemistry Teacher. “The deed is done.” You said chewing loudly.

You were going to lose your mind all because of one stupid idiot, goddamnit John Egbert. Fuck you and the non-homo train you ride on in. Because that train only goes one way like the piece of shit it is. Tsk.

Unbeknownst to everyone in the art room though, outside of the door John was happily fisting-pumping the air as he made the walk back to his classroom.

‘At least John isn’t a flustered mess…’ You thought solemnly as you licked your fingers and rid them of the sugar delicacy.

A student you had known by the name of Meenah had walked up to you and laughed. “You’re a mess Shouty.”

“Fuck you Meenah.”

“Sorry I like gills.” You rolled your eyes as she walked back to her seat next to some girl who looked like an even prissier and more proper version of Vriska with short hair.

“..Well I like guys.” You had mumbled, but of course Meenah wouldn’t hear you. She was wrapped up in her conversation with the Vriska look-a-like. “John doesn’t though. I’m just a friend. Or well more like pal honcho, best bro and all that.”

Meulin had snuck up on you and jumped on your back. “Don’t worry Karcrab. He’ll come around.”

“Thanks Meu.”

“No problem!”

You actually decided to smile then. Just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Random Song:-  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Tuyw9WBFkQ


	3. Karkat Vantas You Are Truly Pathetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry i took so long to update. School is horrible. Here take my apology \\(;v;)/<3

You had gone home that night in a small daze. Maybe your extreme levels of gay had started to rub off on John or something. This was too good to be true.

You had gotten a semi-good nights’ rest at your shitty apartment after binge watching a few romantic comedies (Hey don’t judge his shitty taste in movies. Juno was a masterpiece!) and another episode or two of Orange Is The New Black.  Walking into the teachers’ lounge that morning you tiredly flopped down on the couch next to Kanaya. Well actually she was just sitting on the couch on her own and you had lain down next to her until your head was resting on her lap. Kanaya Maryam makes an excellent pillow.  She was quietly sitting tea when you had arrived and decided to use her lap as a pillow. She didn’t mind though and took a moment to smile and say her greetings. You tiredly smiled back and enjoyed what little bliss you two had before everyone else came in.

Then suddenly Dave and John had strolled into the room along with Rose and Jade. Apparently later on in that day you would find out that they slept over at his house to have a Dr. Who marathon.

You could idly hear bits and snippets of their conversation as they were actually trying to speak quietly for once.

“Sorry bro. I won’t be able to give you a ride home today. I have to do some errands for my Bro immediately after work hours. Also maybe keep him out of trouble…”

“Aw, man! But Daaaaaaaaave.”

“Don’t turn into Vriska on me man.” Dave had adjusted his shades and chuckled a bit. “I promise I’ll give you a ride home tomorrow and the day after that. It’s only for today John.”

“Bluh. Fine. Thanks Dave.” You then watched as John had pouted but quickly replaced it with a smile when he saw you.

“Hi Karkat! Hey Kanaya.” He smiled at her and then turned his attention back to you.

“Hi John.”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance as he booped your nose. You glared and tried to slap his hand away but then he pinched it.

He laughed and started walking towards the door. “You are just like a cat Karkat. Hehe. Car Cat. You are literally a cat with a car Karkat!”

You looked at Kanaya. “Sorry about this Kanaya but I’ll have to excuse myself for now. I’ll see you guys at lunch?”

She patted your head and tried to smooth out your hair a little. “Of course.”

“Thanks Kanaya.” You quickly stood up and started walking towards John.

He gulped when you grabbed a mug from a nearby table and tried run after him. The two of you dashed into the hallway much to the students’ amusement as shouts of “KARKAT NO” and “KARKAT YES” resounded throughout the halls.

Your students wouldn’t let you live this down.

* * *

 

Lunchtime. It was finally time for you to get some sort of nutrients in your system required by the school. The school food was pretty gross though and you tried to avoid there as much as possible. You had dismissed your students with a wave of the hand as they said goodbye and rushed to get to lunch, standing up you left your classroom too. You’d be back after your lunch break was over.

You went to the teachers’ lounge and noticed that no-one was in there. Weird. They must be outside by the cafeteria then. Or maybe some of them decided to go outside of the school for lunch. You didn’t mind either. You walked into the room and made a small cup of coffee deciding to add some cream and a bit more sugar today since you usually had it black with little sugar. Then you closed the door and walked out passing a few students

You passed throughout the hallways, past the library and towards the cafeteria since you hadn’t seen anyone yet. Lo and behold you noticed a majority of them eating their lunch in the grass a nice distance away from where the students sat. You always thought that it was pretty nice that the schools’ cafeteria was outside. Cool breeze, semi-quiet atmosphere and just being outside is really nice.

Walking past the students and half-heartedly greeting a few (And not to mention rolling your eyes at a couple that was making out, like geez don’t eat each other people.) you made your way towards the group of misfit teachers. Like seriously, how did these fuckjobs even get hired jobs? How did you even get a job here? The world may never know this shit.

 You plopped on the grass in between Kanaya and Rose, and Gamzee and Tavros. Kanaya had made something for her and Rose to share today and it looked delicious as always, and Gamzee and Tavros were busy being adorable lovebirds. Goddamnit Gamzee.

A few others were here eating lunch and mainly talking. Terezi and Vriska were a little distance away from you talking about some show on T.V. named Empire you think. Eridan and Sollux had abruptly stopped bickering when Feferi and Aradia sat down near them. It also looked like Nepeta and Equius just came here. Nepeta was holding a big tray of lasagna, most likely for her and Equius to share. Dave and Jade were sitting underneath a tree as Dave was animatedly telling her a story that one of his students did. Well at least as far as you could decipher. Either that or some sort of horrible prank Egbert did.

By the way…Where is Egbert? Oh well. You shrugged it off. You’d see him sooner or later if he came to annoy you in class. He may want some paint for experiments too that fucker.  It’s his classes; he needs his own paint. Whatever.

“HEY.” You greeted everyone loudly enough for them to hear you. Apparently the cafeteria heard you two because you felt a fuckton of eyes in your general direction. They quickly died out as everyone lost interest though, already being used to your loud nature by now.

“Hi Karkitty!”

“Hey Karkat.”

“HI.”

“Heeeeeeeey.”

“What’s up Karkles?!?!”

“Hello.”

“Yo nerd.”

“Hey.”

“Hey there Karcrab.”

You smiled a little at the usual greetings, although you tsked at the pet names the girls gave you.

You made yourself comfy on the grass as you lied back a little and closed your eyes. You didn’t really see the point in laying next to Kanaya or on her. She was talking to her girlfriend, and you were sure your annoyingness knows no bounds so you’d rather give the couple their space.

This is actually really nice and peaceful. The loud chatter of the cafeteria had turned into a small murmur, and the conversations of your fellow co-workers around you had blurred. No wait, it had come to…complete stop if he thought about. Actually it was like really quiet, too quiet.

Holy shit did you go deaf now or something?!?! No, you can still hear the wind blowing but, it was just so quiet. You could swear it even seemed like Kanaya and Rose had stopped talking about various herbal teas and spices near you.

You took a small breath as you opened your eyes.

Blue. All there was was goddamn blue in your fucking peripheral vision. John was quietly sitting next to you with his legs folded and leaning over you as if to get a better look at your face. He was away too close. Very very very very close. So close an atom would be ashamed. At least John would be happy you listened to his science rant that one time. Your face turned a horrible shade of red and you looked at him and around you. Everyone in the entire fucking cafeteria was staring at you two.  Your heart was beating too fast. Fuck this shit.

You gripped your chest and pushed him to the ground. “JOHN. FUCKING. EGBERT. GET YOUR FACE AWAY FROM MY FACE.”

Did he fucking get the cafeteria to quiet down just so he could prank you?!?!?

You quickly turned toward him and saw that he was laughing. “I am the best pranking master ever!”

“JOHN THAT WASN’T FUNNY YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME I THOUGHT I FUCKING WENT DEAF FOR A MOMENT I KNEW EVERYTHING WAS TOO QUIET THIS IS WHY I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE I SWEAR TO GOD WHAT IF I HAD A HEART ATTACK YOU SHITPIPING MORON OF A FUCKTARD-“

“W-Woah woah calm down ka-arkat.” John had hugged you to try and calm you down from your rant. To your bemusement he was still laughing and choking on his words.

You knew for sure the majority of everyone there were still watching you too, some laughing, some smiling.

You had to take a moment to breathe and calm down because 1) You were still pretty startled from that whole fiasco and 2)John Egbert is hugging the shit out of you.

He looked up at you and pouted. “Sorry Karkat. I didn’t actually mean to scare you. I just wanted to wake you up and ask you something, but you were sleeping when I got here. And...you just looked so content I guess.” Did he just admit to watching you sleep? Fucking hell…you should be creeped out by this but you just feel happy for some reason. Maybe you’re the creep Karkat. This is a lot to process in one scaring.

The grip you had on your chest loosened a little. Your heart was beating too rapidly as your mind raced. You felt the hug soften as you looked back down and John. He had rested his head on your shoulder a little bit. So much for personal space.

“I’m sorry Kitkat.”

You honestly wanted to tell him to fuck off, or not to call you that because it wasn’t your goddamn name, but you found yourself sighing a little and returning the hug. “…You’re a prick.”

* * *

 

You sighed as you sat in your classroom. It was the last period of the day and no one was attempting to do any work whatsoever. It was Wednesday after all and oh so very close to the weekend. Halfway there, finally. Oh well, you had enough grades in your plan book so you’d let today be a free day.

The downside was that there was a string of comments and cat calls about you and John at lunch when class started. You stubbornly answered the majority of them with “No” and “Mind your own fucking business you little shits”, but that didn’t deter them in the least.

“Discussion up for grabs: - _Operation Get Karkat a Piece of That Egbert Ass_ is A Go. Also known as GKP-TEA.” Latula said as her group of friends sat down near Karkat.

“So has John finally fallen for you man.” Rufioh had asked first. He had just sat down next to you as a few of the other students by your table looked up.

You gave him a harsh look. “Have you told Horuss about that time you cheated on him yet?”

“Hey hey it was ONE time we got back together ok.”

You rolled your eyes. You don’t even know why these kids had to talk so loudly about everything. Of course you’d end up knowing things like this. “Ok.”

“Hey have you tried talking to him about this?” Aranea suggested.

“You guys are like 14 and 15 why am I getting relationship advice from a bunch of teens when I don’t have the relationship to begin with?” Karkat snarled at the girl. You had recently found out she was Vriska’s cousin and you didn’t really trust the way she looked.

“You just gotta use the good ol’ charm man.” Cronus said as he slicked back his hair and grabbed your shoulder as if to prove the point.

You looked down at his hand. “Don’t touch my fucking shoulder John Travolta.”

“FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT JOHN TRAVOLTA. Kankri you tell him! He basically looks like you.” Cronus yelled as he grabbed Kankri’s arm.

“Refrain from touching my arm Cronus that’s invading personal space. Besides you are the literal definition of John Travolta; although I didn’t necessarily enjoy Grease.” Kankri said with a faint smile as he removed Cronus’ hand from his red sweater.

“Gee thanks Kan.”

“Karkat. How about you just go up to him and demand he date you. You should be forceful for the things you want, yeah?” Porrim said flicking her dark hair back. You watched as it cascaded back over her shoulder anyway as she crossed her legs in mild annoyance.

“But Porrim that’s wrong you shouldn’t be forceful. That’s pretty inappropriate actually. Good things come to those who wait.”

“Kanny I love you as a brother but our wonderful art teacher will not get it through John’s head at this rate. John isn’t dumb, and he’s not dense but he just doesn’t know what to do with romance sometimes.”

“True true.” Meenah folded her arms and nodded. “That Egbert fool is somefin else if I do say so myshellf.”

“Enough with the fucking fish puns.” Mituna growled as he laid on Latula's lap.

Latula shrugged. “Meenah’s fish puns are rad as hell Tuna.” He tsked at them both.

“At least I can always count on Latula to like a gills’ fish puns.” Meenah stood up and rolled to the next side of the table to high-five her. Latula giggled.

“Sweet.”

“HOW DID THE TOPIC GET HERE? WHY IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING?” Karkat growled.

“Clam it shouty. Everyfins cool. Krill.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and sighed.

“I can’t count on you guys for advice at all. Well, maybe just one of you.” Karkat looked towards Meulin who was sitting next Kurloz as they listened to the conversation.

Kurloz signed something to her as she smiled and held his hand. “Kurloz says you should try and talk to one of your teacher friends about this like Ms.Maryam or Kurloz’s older brother. And my input on this is that I fully agree. Ms. Maryam has been dating Lalonde for about four or five years now right?”

“I think so, and thanks you guys.”

“No problem.”

“It’s cool.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Shore.”

“Eh.”

“Now that this discussion about my pitiful romance life is over, the bell for homeroom is about to ring. You guys can leave.”Karkat started to wave them away just as the bell rang.

You sighed and ran your hands through the many strands clumped together on your head that you called hair. Your romance life really was pitiful. The last time you dated was sometime around the end of high school or the beginning of college. That was when you had gone to school with Terezi and Gamzee.

“Discussion dismissed.” Latula shouted as she grabbed Mituna by the hand and ran out the room with him.

Everyone said their goodbyes and wished him luck as they did the same.

Meulin gave you a worried glance and a quick hug as she was heading out the room.  “Bye!”

* * *

 

Just then there was a low knock on the door, but you had picked it up surprisingly. Holy shit it was the John fucking Egbert. In the flesh! How could this possibly be? Seriously though, you hoped he didn’t hear any of the conversation earlier. You could’ve sworn you heard Meulin yelling words of joy in the distance. Fucking hell…

He slowly stepped into the room as you got up. You walked towards the windows and started to close them. You’d be leaving soon so it was better to close them now anyway. “Hey John. What’s up? Is there something you need?”

He was rocking on his heels when you asked him this “Uh, yeah. About that.” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

You looked around and nodded to yourself satisfied that all the windows were closed, then you quickly glanced to him in concern. Did he need help with something? To borrow something?

“John I swear to God if you say that you were secretly in a mafia gang all this time or in the FBI and you were only friends with me this long to record just how disgruntled a person can be each and every day then I am betrayed my good sir.” You said with mock shock.

He giggled a little bit, especially at the word ‘disgruntled’. “No no Karkat it’s nothing serious like that. It’s just that…”

Goddamnit he started rocking on his heels again.

“Spit it out Egbert.”

“Hehe. Do you, maybe mind if I can get a ride home with you today? Not like to go home to your house to stay with you or anything like if you can drive me to my house. It can just be for this afternoon. Although I wouldn’t mind going to your house one day though. No like to hang not anything, um-“

“John calm down. Okay. As long as you give me directions then everything will be fucking fine. Besides if you ever need a ride I can always carry you home.”

He jumped up and smiled. “Wha- Really?!? You’d do that for me Karkat? You are like the best pal honcho ever man! Don’t worry I’ll give you gas money. Wait let’s see if I have something in my pocket first…”

“Damn right I am and it’s ok John you don’t have to give me money for gas and stuff. Now let’s go. Do you have everything with you?”

He quickly peeked outside the door and grabbed his bag. Holy shit the rumors were true. He did use a Ghostbusters backpack that fucking nerd. You’d never actually seen it up close before. You shook your head and started walking out the door.

He grinned as you passed him and followed behind, watching curiously as you locked the door really hard.

“What if you broke the lock though?”

“Then the school will buy a new one.”

“But you’d be the one at fault for breaking it in the first place Karkat.”

“Not my problem?”

He rolled his eyes as you two made your way out the building.

“Hey hey Karkat.”

“What is it John?”

“Do you think that legs know that they’re legs?”

“Excuse me?”

“Like, do they know that they were made for walking and taking you places? What if they thought they were hands and tried to grab and write things?”

“Are you fucking shitting me Egbert?”

You two could see the parking lot in the distance now.

“Ew.” He giggled. “That’s gross Karkat”

You could feel your eye starting to twitch.  You speed walked towards your car and left him there. “Whatever John Chop chop John we’ve people to meet, places to be, sights to see.”

John huffed and hurried across the teachers’ parking lot to catch up the short distance to you and your car- “Oh my god it’s so cute Karkat it’s adorable. I was expecting you to have a soccer mom van for some reason but look at this! This car is tiny just like you hehe.”

“It was affordable and it is efficient you unsymmetrical angle.”

“Now don’t say that Karkat no one is perfect.” He grinned at just how done you were. Hehe.

You unlocked the doors as you both got in and sat down. Oh right, of course he’d sit in the front passenger seat. It would be pretty awkward if he sat in the back huh?

He drummed his fingers on the dashboard as you started the car, humming something…something familiar. You blinked as you slowly turned to him. “Is that. That’s 70’s show?”

“Yes! How’d you know? Did you like that show. I used to love it when I was younger.” Karkat started the exit the school grounds and turned towards where John pointed.

“That show was comedy gold.”

“Do you wanna...” He smiled and waggled his eyebrows.

“We don’t have any other people to do that cool montage opening where they switch seat though.”

“Oh right. Vriska would definitely be Donna. Then wouldn’t Terezi be Mila Kunis? But anyway, we could still just sing it. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sing Karkat?”

“You haven’t. Lucky for you I like to sing songs on the radio when I drive home.”

“Sweet! So can we do it?”

“It wouldn’t hurt too so yeah I guess.”

You two then proceeded to sing as loudly as you could, John head banging in his seat as you laughed. You both didn’t sing like utter shit but it was alright. Your voice went a little too high sometimes, and John’s voice occasionally cracked but everything was fine. You were laughing by the end of that little fiasco surprisingly.

“That was fun. Oh and to the left.” John smiled as he pointed at a corner. You gave a quick glance at your surroundings and noticed you were passing Starbucks. A little drive through action couldn’t hurt.

“John I’m stopping here first.”

“Alright.”

* * *

 

Six minutes later you and John were sipping mocha cappuccinos, his with blueberries preferably. Yuck. You made sure to tell him that he tainted his perfectly good coffee but he just smiled and shrugged it off.

Another two minutes later, coffee arguments aside you two were back on the road. You two were at a red-light when John had decided to turn the radio. He scrunched up his nose a little as Kesha started to play on the radio. He was about to reach for it and turn it off when you stopped his hand and looked at him. You nodded your head along to the beat of the music. “I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums.”

“Oh my god Karkat no.”

“Oh what a shame that you came here with someone so while you’re here in my arms,” Karkat grabbed John’s hand as he started to get into the song. “LETS MAKE THE MOST OF THE NIGHT LIKE WE’RE GONNA DIE YOUNG.” The light turned green as he drived and sang.

“KARKAT NO.”

“KARKAT YES.”

John groaned as he had to sit through Karkat singing along with Kesha and oh my god was he doing hip movements in his seat as he danced. What in the ever-loving fuck Karkat?

John gulped as he watched. “Karkat calmeth thine ass. Literally. P-Please.”

He gave a quick glance to you as he looked back at the road. “Oh. Sorry I guess. Did I forget to mention I’m a horrible fan of pop music and stuff?”

“Yes you did. Shitty pop music I might add.”

Karkat ignored John’s last comment and decided to respond to the latter. “Well shit then. Don’t tell anyone about my shitty singing escapades.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t.”

Karkat went to change the station when he heard a certain song. He screamed a little bit. John turned to him and also screamed a bit. Apparently John knew this too.

Karkat turned to John. “SOME LEGENDS ARE TOLD.”

“Some turn to dust or to gold.” John sang.

“BUT YOU WILL REMEMBER ME.” They both then proceeded to sing Centuries very loudly. Like holy shit Karkat that mother and her child in the next car over were really concerned with the way you hit those high notes.

Singing aside Karkat was able to get to John’s home with both of them in one piece. Wow Egbert actually knew how to give directions. And luckily for you you now know how to get to John’s house; wait that actually sounds a bit stalkerish. Forget you said anything ok.

John was unbuckling his seatbelt and getting his backpack. Stepping out of your car he walked around towards your side and stood in front of your window.

“Thank you Karkat. I probably would have had to walk home if it wasn’t for you. Plus I couldn’t take the bus because Dave said he would give me the money for it but he actually didn’t have anything. I didn’t really mind though. So yeah…”

Karkat tsked. “You sure do ramble a lot John.”

He shrugged. “So many things to say, so many thoughts that have been thought about and then my mouth sort of filters it all together I guess. Sort of like what I’m doing now. Or maybe it’s just something that happens when I get nervous? Who knows.” He shrugged.

You both jumped as True Love by Pink started playing.

_There's no one quite like you, you push all my buttons down  
I know life would suck without you _

It was silent for a few moments as the music played. You wanted to say something to John but you could just tell it would come out of your mouth sounding like utter stupidity serve hot and fresh on a plate or embarrassment served with a side of garbage. Yup, exactly like what you just did there. Goddamnit.

 _At the same time, I wanna hug you_  
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck  
You're an asshole, but I love you  
And you make me so mad I ask myself

John shifted in his spot as he looked down at his feet. They were quite interesting at the moment.

_"Why I'm still here, oh where could I go?"  
You're the only love I've ever known_

Wowza. This steering wheel looks absolutely amazing right now. Who were you kidding you just couldn’t look at John. There was a deep red blush forming on your face.

_  
But I hate you, I really hate you_

You stole a quick glance at his face and noticed it was also red. Maybe he was feeling flustered too? Or it could just be the humidity outside.

_  
So much I think it must be_

_True love, true love, it must be true love_

John laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll just head on inside now. I’ll see you tomorrow Karkat. Drive safe.” He gave you a small smile before heading up the steps to his door.

“O-Ok. Bye John…” You silently watched to make sure he got inside his house safely before sighing and slamming your head into the steering wheel. You probably just gave the neighbors a heart attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Random Song For You  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XH3oMNKApI


	4. A Clusterfuck Indeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just fuck me up"

 

“No you fucknut! I just ask you guys to practice drawing bases but half of you can’t even get the circles right?? Jesus fucking Christ almighty on a wholesome stick. Cronus your art looks like a weaboo’s masterpiece. Don’t take that as some compliment you warped fuck. Horuss! Your animal anatomy is fucking gorgeous but for the last time we moved onto the human figure months ago. I am actually getting tired of grading horses. You know what. Centaurs. Yes those would be fine I guess. MEENAH NO MORE MERMAIDS. Ok Porrim I see your improvement. Latula I commend you on that rad ass skater girl you are at least trying to make look realistic. Kankri please before you break off into a glorified rant about my obscenities again that is a horrible excuse of an arm there sir. Arms have curves and folds! CURVES AND FOLDS. The upper arm is either shorter or just about the same length as the lower arm. I swear to fuck didn’t I show you how to use the squares and rectangles for your anatomy bases?? Kurloz. Mituna. I…you keep doing what you’re doing. Ok Aranea as much as I want to shit on you for messing up the hands again that is some amazing hair shading right there and you have earned my respect. Rufioh you are surprisingly ok at drawing facial expressions so I applaud you for that. Meulin you win at art. You are the winner. It is you.” Karkat was frantically pacing around the room as he observed what his art students were currently trying to master yet again:- human anatomy. Meulin stole the cake. I mean come on how does one even draw Rose Quartz in perfect detail in less than twenty minutes??

Karkat sighed as he sat down and just told everyone to do fuck all for the rest of the period. A few sighed in relief as others continued to work or talk. Meulin and Porrim decided to sit at his desk.

“Are you ok Karkat?” Porrim asked with a worried tone.

Holy shit she reminds you of Kanaya. Maybe you should ask her about this?? Distant cousin or relative?? This school amuses and terrifies you.

“Yeah are you okay? You seem even angrier than you usually are!” Meulin said concerned.

Karkat lowered his head a little and shrugged. “Who knows? Is anyone ever actually ok when they possibly embarrass themselves in front of their crush on the ride home yesterday when a sappy love song came on and they awkwardly stood by the car for awhile before saying goodbye and leaving? Leaving them alone in the car and feeling like a huge dumb fool???”

“Yikes.” Porrim said as Meulin took a sharp intake of breath. “Maybe he...thought it was endearing?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Porrim I am literally a big clusterfuck of embarrassment and emotions. My life is literally ‘just fuck me up’.”

Meulin tsked. “Nah, I think you’re amazing! And that sometimes embarrassing things happen but you just have to learn to laugh it off and go with the next big adventure. Yeah?”

“Yeah, I agree with Meu. Love is a rollercoaster of adventure. Or something cheesy like that! You just gotta learn to embrace it for what it is.”

The two girls smiled at him.

“Thanks you two. No go chill out and do whatever the heck it is that teenage girls do. Your motherly relationship advice and touching smiles are actually making me feel better. Go on before I start singing something ridiculous.”

“We love mew too!” Meulin laughed and went to sit back next to Kurloz, Latula and Mituna while Porrim offered him another smile and sat down next to Meenah.

Karkat tsked as he thought over their advice. He could feel a small smile grace his lips.

The doors suddenly burst open as John came strolling in, giving Karkat a smile heart-attack. His students smiled and turned to watch the scene unfold.

“Hi Karkat!”

“What in the blazing fuck are you doing here you unleavened loaf of bread.” Rule one of confronting a crush is never admit they scared you. Results may vary in teasing and laughter on their accord.

“Today is the day.”

Karkat raised his eyebrows in confusion. “What’s so special about today again?”

John opened his mouth in fake shock and disbelief. He turned to point at the clock and back to Karkat. “Karkat Vantas it is almost lunch time we have a lunch date! Uh well not actually a date date I mean just like us eating lunch together and stuff. Um, goddamnit.”

Karkat could feel a tint of red hit his cheeks. “Oh yeah. I...I remember.”

John grinned at him. “So do you like, still wanna go? We could always just not do it if you want. Or go another time? Whatever is fine with you then I am also fine with it.”

Karkat rocked on his heels a little. Was this a date? Like a lunch date date? But John said it wasn’t a date date. So just a friendly outing between two guys then? I swear to god if John calls this a bro-date I am so done.

“Eyyyy just say yes already!” Cronus yelled somewhere from the back of the room earning a few giggles as the two men blushed.

Karkat decided on rolling his eyes instead of flipping the bird at Cronus. He’d get him back one day.

“Sure John. I’d like that.”

“Great! We can go now if you want. But then again you have a class...”

“Kelp there’s the bell! Let’s go everyone!” Meenah said as everyone picked up their backpacks and made their way past John and Karkat telling them bye and wishing them a good date.

“LUNCH DATE” Karkat flusteredly corrected, yelling back at them.

John chuckled and turned back at him. “So, ready?”

Karkat picked up his bag. “As ready as SpongeBob square pants Mr. Egbert.”

John snorted as they walked towards Karkats car.

Karkat raised an eyebrow as John opened his door for him. “Milady.”

“What the fuck John.”

“Sorry sorry I just always wanted to do that to someone.” John chuckled nervously, a tint of red on his cheeks.

“Oh.” Karkat bit his lip a little as he sat on his side of the car. “Great...”

John either didn’t hear him or decided to ignore it as he went to his side of the car. Not before trying to hop over it like they did in the movies and rolling to the next side of the car. Fucking dumbass.

Once the two were properly seated in Karkat car, pop songs blaring on the radio, Karkat turned to him. “Where are we going exactly then?”

John tapped his index finger on his lips. “Hmm Hmm. Prospit Café would probably be nice?”

Karkat shrugged as they drove away from the school.

Karkat smiled a few minutes into the drive as GirslGirlsBoys by Panic! At The Disco came on. “Fucking hell yes.”

John smiled as he watched Karkat passionately sing. Too bad he didn’t know this song.

* * *

 

John and Karkat pulled up to Prospit Café about 15 minutes later thanks to the traffic for lunch rush. For some reason Karkat found John opening his door for him again to which he was suspicious.

“John.”

“Hm.”  He watched as Karkat stood up.

“You did it again.” He said locking the car with his keys.

“Did what?”

Karkat motioned towards his door. “You did say that you always wanted to that, but twice?”

John chuckled nervously and blushed. “Must have crossed my mind.”

Karkat squinted at him but shrugged it off as they went inside. “Whatever.”

Prospit Café was a cheery and upbeat place with light yellow walls and a calm, peaceful atmosphere. There were about six pairs of seats outside that were situated underneath umbrellas and had gold and brown chairs. Plants decorated the outside of the building and the windows were currently being polished by one of the employees. The inside of the café was much like a restaurant of sorts and was lightly lit. There were small tables with two chairs each spread out around the inside and red and brown booths along the walls. On the other side of the café there was a counter with stools. Behind the counter were things like a coffeemaker, a vending machine, condiments, baked goods and a door that led to the staff room.

Karkat rolled his eyes as John opened the door for him but a smile soon graced his lips as he inhaled the aroma of brewing coffee.  People were sitting in various places some eating, others chatting, whilst others sat near the counter talking to the employees and watching the T.V. that hung above. This place was already amazing in his eyes.

John glanced at Karkat. “Booth or table?”

“Booth. Booths are comfy as fuck John. We go.” Karkat grabbed his wrist as the two walked towards one of the closest booths. John sat down on one side while Karkat faced him on the next.  Karkat wasn’t really sure what to do and that moment so the people outside the window were very interesting to watch.

Both Karkat and John looked up when a friendly looking young lady walked up to them. She had short curly black hair and blue eyes and holy shit she looked exactly like John. John beamed at her and went to hug her before sitting back down. She handed the two menus.

“Hi Jane!”

“Hi John. It’s nice seeing you here. You haven’t been here in awhile.”

“Yeah sorry about that. Things can get pretty hectic at work! How have you been though?”

“Things couldn’t be any better! Working here is always fun.”

“That’s nice.”

“Are you still pranking people as awesomely as we both used too?”

“Hehe. I can assure I am still _th_ e pranking master of _masters_ Jane.”

“Pft. You nerd.”

Karkat watched the exchange with mixed emotions. He wasn’t sure who this Jane person was or what her relationship with John was but she seemed nice? It also sounds like they knew each for a very long time now.

Karkat shifted in his seat. It was getting a little weird watching them just talk now.

“Jane no I don’t have that crush on her anymore. She’s like really crazy and obsessed with 8’s. We are solely platonic friends.”

“Surre.” She glanced at Karkat. “Speaking of crushes…anyway. Who’s this?”

She smiled expectantly at John. “Oh! Well this is Jane my cousin. She stayed over at my house a lot as kids and we used to prank my Dad all the time. And this,” John pointed at Karkat. “Is my co-worker from work. His name is Karkat and we are the best of pal honchos!”

Karkat rolled his eyes but offered a smile and a handshake to Jane. “Don’t let this fucknuts dumb ways fool you. I refuse to be a pal honcho. You annoy the fuck out of me at work and mercilessly interrupt my classes to either prank, tease or yet again annoy me.”

“But Karkat!”

“Don’t but Karkat me I am not going through this again John.”

“Karkaaaaat.” John waggled his eyebrows at him.

“You fucking asshole.” Karkat was trying to hide his smile.

Jane giggled and looked at John mischievously. “I see, huh?” She turned back to the two of them small notepad in her hand. “What would you two like?”

Karkat quickly scanned the menu and said. “Just a small cup of coffee and a plate of fries.” Jane nodded and wrote it down. “And you John?” John had just shrugged and asked for two slices of pizza and any kind of drink. Jane had written it down and said goodbye before disappearing into the kitchen. “I’ll take Jake you said hi!”

Karkat turned to John. “She seems really nice. I like her.”

“Jane is an awesome person. We used to have prank wars from April 1st to my birthday and they were the best of days. The house never came out clean during that period of time.”

“Holy shit.”

“Indeed.”

John felt his phone buzz. “Oh uh, sorry one moment.”

“Yeah no problem.”

John reached into his pocket and looked at his phone. He had a few text messages, 6 in total.

 

> Jadeeeeeeee <Jade Harley> sent at 12:00PM.
> 
> I just saw you leave school with Karkat. What.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> Jadeeeeeeee <Jade Harley> sent at 12:03PM.
> 
> Annnd I am now hearing  from a few of the kids at school that you are on a date with Karkat??? Like as in right now????? oMgomg
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> Jadeeeeeeee<Jade Harley> sent at 12:04PM.
> 
> I swear if you come back and Karkat is pregnant somehow I will end you John Egbert.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> Best of Bros < Dave Strider> sent at 12:05PM.
> 
> You’re on a hot yaoi date with Karkitty and you don’t tell your bro. For shame Egderp. I thought we were the shits. The tightest of tight guy friends. We hoped onto this bro train together and you jumped off and left me to fucking die as we fell off the cliff into the Grand Canyon. I believed in you man. Now I’m dead. Dead. Oh no I’m bleeding. Wait shit I got off track. Anyway. Fucking have fun and tell me about your hot Karkat make outs when you get back. If you do more than that I actually don’t want to know. Harley might want to know though.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> Spider Girl <Vriska Serket> sent at 12:08PM.
> 
> Eyyyyyyyy John. What the heck?
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> Rose Quartz <Rose Lalonde> sent at 12:11PM.
> 
> There’s a rumor around school that you went out on a date with Karkat? Are you finally going to tell hi-
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

John quickly exited out of everything and closed his phone. He could feel the embarrassment radiating off of him.

“Are you okay John?” Karkat questioned when he saw John quickly put his phone away.

“Y-Yeah it’s fine.”

Karkat was about to say something else but was interrupted when Jane brought their orders.

“Sweet!” John smiled as the two thanked her.

“Yeah it’s no problem. Have a nice meal you two~”

John rolled his eyes as Karkat gulped. Did she just insinuate something?? Oh well.

“We should have a move night one of these days Karkat.”

“Movie night you say?”

“Yes! Like on a Friday so we could like, just sleep the next day. It would be awesome!”

“It sounds alright.”

“So can it start this Friday? We could make a regular thing for just me and you.  We both could bring the snacks and stay up till one of us falls asleep. You could bring all your movies and I’ll have all of mine. We could take turns per movie.”

“Your movies are shitty John.”

John raised his hands up in defeat. “I never called your Romance movies shitty now did I!”

“My movies are masterpieces.”

John tsked.

Karkat and John started to eat their meal occasionally talking about their favorite movies, sharing funny stories and every now and then Karkat scolded John for stealing his fries.

“YOU HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD SLICE OF PIZZA IN FRONT OF YOU ASSSTAIN.”

“Karkat shoosh people are staring! The fries taste good to be honest.”

“Well you should’ve ordered them for yourself.”

“Nah.” He said reaching for another.

By the time as John and Karkat were done Jane had come to give them the bill. They did have to get back to work sometime today.

Karkat was about to reach into his wallet when John reached his hand out and shook his head. “I got this Karkat. Put that wallet away.”

“John. Fucking. Egbert. We both went out for a lunch break so I think it’s equally fair if we split the bill and I pay my half. That would actually be the wisest of choices, what are you doing?”

John furrowed his eyebrows. “I wanna pay.”

“John.”

“Karkat Vantas.”

Karkat sighed and threw his hands up in the air. “Everyone will sing the song of when Karkat let John pay for both their meals like a classy gentleman. They will commend you with the greatest of honors sir. His Royal Goofballness, John the Egbutt gentleman. The townspeople will be fucking baffled at these most shocking of events. How on Earth almighty did this happen? How the fuck even? They will scream it from the rooftops.”

“Pft.” John giggled.

The two stood up and waved to Jane as they left.

Jane sighed dreamily as she watched the two from her place at the counter.

“What’s got you sighing Jane?” Jake asked as he mixed batter.

“Those two would be an adorable couple. But John hasn’t told him yet.”

“Oh that. Eh, sooner or later I recon.”

Jane glanced at him and went to help him. “He better do it soon! It’s like watching some sort of romance comedy being around them...”

Jake laughed.

* * *

 

Karkat and John made it back to school in one piece, enduring a bit of teasing give or take, but still in one piece.

You had sketched something small after you had returned from lunch and left it on John’s desk. He’d probably see it the next day. You had especially made sure no one was around at that moment. How would you explain sneaking into John’s class, huh?

The rest of the day passed by quite slowly much to Karkat’s dismay. After saying goodbye to his friends for the day Karkat drove home and made his way to his apartment. He was finally home. Holy shit.

Heading towards the kitchen and making a bowl of cereal he sat down on the couch. Mean Girls was on and everything was perfect. After finishing his cereal Karkat replayed the events of his day in his head and smiled. It honestly felt like a small date to him. He would never admit this to anyone (well except maybe Kanaya) but he was really happy. Shit. He needs someone to talk to about this.

Sitting up and resting the bowl of cereal on the coffee table, Karkat reached into his pocket and searched for his phone. He made a small noise of accomplishment when he felt it and pulled it out to text someone.

* * *

 

Today was a long day for you at the bakery. There wasn’t really much business today but you didn’t really mind. That just meant you got to spend more time hanging out with your most favorite adorable boyfriend. He is absolutely motherfuckin perfect.

Speaking of him, you both were currently relaxing on the couch at that moment and watching a movie. He had fallen asleep sometime during the first half and you were running your fingers through his hair. You were also about to join the sleep train with him when you felt your phone vibrate. It startled you for a moment but you soon realized that it was a text.

Reaching into your back-pocket you checked your phone and grinned.

Best fuckin friend <Karkat Vantas> sent at 5:32PM.

Hey Gamzee. I know we haven’t talked in awhile but I think I need help. Like romance help and shit. I have no idea why I’m asking you of all people about this but I also kinda know why I am? Fuck it. Help me.

Gamzee smiled fondly before gently lifting Tavros up and standing. He stretched before he started to reply.

“Sure thing Karbro...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk8jV7r6VMk im sorry this song has a special place in my heart
> 
> Also feel free to tell me if i need to edit anything! I tried?


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